I am already complete. I am just chiseling away at what I am not.
The above quote has so many implications for me. It reminds me that I don’t have to wait until fill-in-the-blank happens to be happy. I can be happy now. It is a daily practice that I choose to take upon myself…or not.
It reminds me that I am a good person trying to get better from my disease of addiction and not a bad person trying to be good. This is important to me because if I believe that my past behavior makes me a bad person, why would I bother to make an effort? I used this excuse for years, “This is who I am. That’s how I’m wired.” Now I know that I was scared to let go of the survival skills I developed growing up.
Being an angry person and shaming those who did not conform to my wishes, was a great tool to get what I wanted when my charm and good manners did not work. I believed that if i didn’t have my anger to protect me I was going to become a doormat.
I have learned that “hurt people hurt people.” That my life is better when I choose to believe that people have my best interest at heart, that once I set a goal, the universe conspires to help me. It may not happen the way I thought it would. It might not come in the shape I imagined but it comes if I remain aware.
I’m not saying that my Higher Power satisfies my every whim or I don’t have to do the footwork but I have let go of the outcome. My needs are met on a daily basis, I want for nothing. Everything is the way it’s supposed to be.
That last sentence gives me great peace of mind when I start to fight with reality. Again, it does not mean that I don’t change what needs to be changed, it means that, “I am responsible for the effort and not the outcome.”