I’ve gotten into the habit of waking up at 5 am, or earlier, if I cannot convince my doggies to let me sleep in. I get up, feed them, and then head to the gym or get on the treadmill, but on the weekends the gym does not open until 8 a.m. so I’ve started going to the coffee shop near me.
I take my mail and my iPad in the hope that I can I write a blog post. I usually have something in my mind that I can talk about, but today I cannot think of anything. I guess I could whine about not having a significant other but what good is that going to do me?
So I guess I’ll reflect on how good it is that I don’t have anything to write about. Before recovery I would’ve engaged in “the deliberate fabrication of misery…” but now that I’m aware that’s what I was doing, I catch myself, and stop to give thanks for all the good I have in my life.
No, I have not become a “spiritual giant.” I still crave shiny, bright things like the new Apple watch but I guess I’ll wait to get it until I have a good reason to get it, like my upcoming birthday. I guess I’ve gotten down from the hedonic treadmill of “never enough.”
And I haven’t settled either, I have goals and desire to better my life but I now realize that while money can bring comfort and security, it does not bring lasting happiness. Happiness is a practice. If I practice being grateful for what I have in my life instead of focusing for what I’m lacking, I feel happy.
There’s still that thought in the back of my mind that says, “the other shoe is about to drop, you better not get too happy.” I’ve had many losses and my worst fear became true when I found myself alone but like Robert Frost said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”