Tomorrow makes a week since I stopped working. This was more than just a job but a career than I have put on hold until the holidays are over. I left because I went from feeling excited to show up to work every day to dreading being there.
This was the first job where I was not recognized for what I did well except during my performance review and then forgotten and even mistreated through out the rest of the year. The people in charge behaved the way I used to; they were suspicious of everybody and everything and lived in fear.
I began my journey in sobriety exhausted from having to look over my shoulder, being careful not to be stabbed in the back, trying to predict who was going to “mess up” so that I could be ready to clean it up.
And no, I have not become Pollyanna; I know that life is not going to spare me because I’m sober but six years of experience tells me that as long as I stay sober I will be able to get through whatever comes my way. However, there’s still a little voice in my mind that tells me that I just jinxed myself.
I left work because I was trying to squeeze and mold myself into different shapes in order to fit in but I am no longer that person that looks at you and finds you wanting. I now try to see the good in everybody I meet and treat you with respect and dignity because every human being deserves to be treated as such.
I love this new way of living; it allows me the freedom to actually get to know people and not put them into little boxes that fit my impression of them. Do I like everybody I meet? Of course not but I learned not to demonize those who are different than I, to give them the freedom to be who they are.
I wasn’t allowed that freedom where I used to work so I had to leave. I cannot longer stay where I’m not appreciated for who I am.