I asked an acquaintance to go out to the movies with me and he said, “Should we ask anyone else in the group if they wanna see the movie?” I replied, “What group? I have no friends!”
I do know many people but the longer I’ve stayed sober, the more I’ve seen people go out and I guess I have not invested the time and effort that takes to make new friendships.
A friend, in my opinion, is somebody who calls, hangs out, and checks on me on a regular basis. I am somebody who is caring and thoughtful so I’ve learned that not everybody is like that and not to be disappointed in people don’t behave like I do but it’s sure hard.
I have couple of coworkers well, one, who I really trust and admire but she is in a relationship and we live so far from each other that socializing outside of work is near damn impossible.
And to bring it back to me, I’m an introvert. I enjoy having people around but after I while I need some solitude to recharge and avoid feeling resentful. I am jealous of those people who can go to a meeting and socialize afterwards for hours and hours. Me? I go to a meeting, I join them to have a bite to eat, and then I’m ready to go home.
So that’s on the friendship level, now asking somebody on a date, no, finding somebody to ask out on a date requires an act of God. I do long for that special someone who understands me and accepts me just as I am but I practice being grateful for what I have instead of focusing on what I don’t.
I remind myself that I can still be happy regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not, or whether I have one or many friends. Today, I choose to love and approve of myself just as I am. I am complete “as is.”